A way forward
I have always, from a very early age been interested in the spiritual way, whatever that means. I had always felt that when I was approaching 60 the direction of my life would change. This proved to be true, and I had a series of teachers over a couple of years that came and were then gone. All of them moved me on spiritually or energetically and helped me to understand myself more.
For about a year I was without the help I thought I needed. Then a friend of mine hosted a BZR at his place near Richelieu in the Loire. There was a spare place and Daizan suggested he join in.
My friend is best described as a spiritual Christian and likes to stick to what he knows. However, he was so impressed with the results that he told me I must go on a Zenways retreat.
This I did in February 2023 and did the BZR at Noddfa. I just went; I had hardly even looked the Zenways website.
I chose my koan, my question, to which I thought I knew the answer but wanted confirmation. After a couple of days, I was wondering what I was doing there: nothing was happening. Then I was paired with someone new, and we just connected. My heart expanded and soared with light energy, and I got my confirmation. It was great.
A month or so after the BZR I started going to the Dojo on Sunday evenings when I could. It is a good discipline for me to do so. I like the talks and as I am not someone that meditates every day, attendance makes me do so.
There are many ways up a mountain, and I feel Zen is just one route. It is very much helping me to understand what has influenced me in my life and who I am and what I could become. It is working well for me now. I will take what seems right for me from Zen and also from other disciplines if it feels right. The view from the top of the mountain is the same no matter what route you take.
I have now been on 3 more retreats. The Sesshin 5-day retreats twice in Derbyshire and also this year in Japan. All 3 retreats have resulted in personal revelations for me, and the Japan trip in a life changing one, for which I am very grateful. I certainly came back to London feeling a lot lighter than when I left.
It is the 5 days that works for me. It allows me to move out of everyday life and into a place where I can set intent and where I seem able to allow things to happen. If I can become more conscious in everyday life maybe I will no longer need the 5 days.
I am continuing with my Zen practice and am finding the guidance I get from Daizan and others very helpful. I have just been on the Meditation and Mindfulness Training course and am now meditating every day.
I will see where life leads me.